Self Love – Essential for Well Being and Healthy Relationships

There is always great focus and much written about love and compassion for others, and how the world will be a better place if we can all mobilize this lavish wave of love for others. And of course… that’s probably true. But the most critical step in this altruistic process is to first honor, respect, value and love yourself. For many people, that is no easy task. Often self-love is so very low on the hierarchy of priorities — and yet, it should undeniably get top billing.

In an article by coach and therapist, Darlene Lancer, she describes the three progressive stages of caring about oneself: self esteem, self acceptance and finally self-love. These stages/feelings build on one another and begin at the basic “self-esteem” which is the foundation of what you think of yourself. This can change depending on circumstances and life’s roller coaster of ups and downs.

Self-acceptance is a step above, where your good feelings about yourself are quite constant despite life’s challenges and changes — and despite what others may think of you.

Self-love is the pinnacle point of honoring oneself — a combination of both feeling and actions. It is at this stage that your emotional health and sense of self are in excellent balance and you are at peace with both yourself and your outer world.

People often feel guilty about caring for themselves, nurturing themselves. This may be particularly true of women — who often feel that in the traditional and classical sense, they must be the nurturers of others first. It might be a natural instinct to care for, protect and nurture one’s young and one’s family.

However, in today’s modern times, there is no excuse not to be able to take care of yourself — your needs, your joy and your health along the way while still being a compassionate caregiver. In fact, I believe it is essential to be in the place of self-love to be a better and more empowered care-giver. For if you are deprived of feeling good about yourself, how can you possibly be there — in an attentive, genuinely caring way for others?

There is always much angst surrounding the line between being selfish and self-caring. Sometimes when people tell us WE are being “selfish,” it is out of their own unhealthy, short-sighted need to have to control over us. It takes some soul-searching sometimes to sort that out and be clear about our own needs and how to be kind to ourselves and “self-responsible.”

Margaret Paul, Ph.D., bestselling author and relationship expert, spells out the following significant points to keep in mind about when we are being self-responsible, as opposed to being “selfish:”

• “We are being self-responsible, not selfish, when we do what brings us joy, with no intent to harm another — even if another person doesn’t like it.
• We are being self-responsible, not selfish, when we support our own highest good, even when someone wants us to do something other than what we are doing.
• We are being self-responsible when we are considerate of others’ wants and needs without giving ourselves up.”

The bottom line is that it is so necessary to honor your life with kind and appropriate self-care. Having that healthy balance between treating yourself compassionately, and nurturing and caring for others, is the key to better well-being. And it is essential for more harmonious, loving relationships.

If more people would be of this mindset, this might help with the healing of the rest of the world in a more global way.  For healing begins within… and genuine love begins and flourishes first within you…

Affirmations:

• I treat myself with kindness and make time to do things I enjoy.
• By cultivating self-love, it is easier for me to be nurturing and compassionate toward others.
• Healing and well-being arise from my inner thoughts and feelings, so I consciously choose joyful ones!

Please let me know your thoughts about this and leave a comment here. Do you feel a sense of self-esteem or self-love? Or do you mostly put others first and yourself last?