Positive Living – Cultivating Supportive Friendships

Are you surrounded by mostly healthy relationships?  If so, that is a joyful blessing! It is also a testament to your own mindset, outlook and personality — as well as the inner work you do to maintain and sustain these bonds.

Yet no matter how much focus we give, there are bound to be those questionable ties we have. Those relationships that make us pause and ask ourselves about how we can effectively cope with a specific person. Or silently wonder: why is that person still in my life?  Some relationships are just blandly “okay” — not helpful, but not harmful.  Others can be downright toxic to ones well being.

You should not remain in a relationship that is blatantly toxic. And toxic can have a range of meanings — from one that is merely somewhat unhealthy to one that is seriously emotionally abusive. If a friend is consistently putting you down in overt or perhaps even subtle ways, that is not a healthy friendship.

All the inspirational teachers say to surround ourselves with people who support us, lift us up — and cheer us on along our life path. If our friends authentically love us, then wouldn’t they want to be encouraging and uplifting to us?

Our connections with those around us should always be optimistic, loving and respectful. This makes perfect sense to us — and yet, why do we often get caught up in ties that are far less than stellar, far less then supportive?

I believe that most of us make every attempt to put our best foot forward, so to speak, and cultivate many relationships, simply assuming that if we set out to be a fine friend, then what we give out will be returned to us in kind. And though that is the case perhaps for most of the time, it does not hold true all the time.

Sometimes, despite trying to be a loving friend, the other person is not able to return that attitude. This can stem from extreme life challenges/obstacles; egotistical and narrow-minded beliefs; or sometimes simply a change in directions, as in paths becoming so divergent that there is no real commonality anymore.

And what about those fair weather friends — or barely there friends? They tend to possibly be more “takers” rather than “sharers.”  They enjoy the bond and the company as long as things are going smoothly for you — but when a little turmoil lands across your path, they are suddenly GONE — or busy with their own stuff without even a sympathetic ear.

Sometimes you may experience the uncomfortable dance of trying to integrate a person into and out of your life, depending on how caring the friendship is at each moment in time. This can create havoc with your emotions… Relationships thrive on positive stability — knowing another is there for you. And of course, this should be a two way street. We need to be there for others in both peaceful and challenging times. Being totally able to count on each other when the going gets rough is essential to a healthy friendship.

Over the course of my life, I have learned that usually those vastly difficult relationships tend to dissolve out of my life (the Universe giving me some supportive assistance perhaps?)  Some relationships thrive on drama. When you become aware of this and refuse to be reactive — and discourage all aspects of that volatility — the other person might simply retreat. For they are not receiving that atmosphere of emotional turmoil that they so crave.

So take the serene, shared road — be a remarkable friend. Immerse yourself in healthy relationships. Surround yourself with those who buoy you up.  Release those who bring you down.  And embrace those you care about with a kind, encouraging, honest, loving heart.  If you strive to do the emotional “work” of sustaining healthy friendships, it is bound to bring greater joy, satisfaction and connection on this journey called LIFE…

Affirmations:

• I treat others with understanding, compassion, support and encouragement.
• It is easy for me to lend a sympathetic ear to my friends, and truly listen with my heart.
• I remain peaceful and non reactive in the face of drama that others may create.