Adaptability in Life – Coping with Shift and Change

A Personal Experience Story

Life is certainly never static — it is a living, breathing ebb and flow of change, shift and transformation.  When we talk about achieving stability and balance, it is but for a temporary moment in time. And though it is a worthy goal to aspire to create some form of balanced harmony in our lives, it is critical to accept that change will always be part of our reality.

Yet the thought of change is daunting for most people, and change can present itself as a huge challenge.  Cultivating flexibility and adaptability — traits that will help you stay in that flow of coping and being open to new possibilities — is worth the inner work!

From my own personal experience of the last month or so, I have definitely had to deal with that specter of change.  My elderly mother-in-law (an octogenarian who was widowed 20 years ago) had two accidental falls too many in a short span of time and finally agreed to move up from her condo in Florida to an assisted living facility local to where I live in Long Island.

She was used to living an “independent” life or so she perceived it. But legally blind, hard of hearing, dependent upon a walker for mobility, her life there — away from all family — appeared more “isolationist” to my husband and myself. She had a home health aid to assist her during the day, and even drive her to wherever she needed or wanted to go.  But each health issue that presented became an ordeal, simply because there was no family around and concern for some serious issue without the support and caring of family was on our minds.

My mother-in-law is very quick to speak her mind and is not a particularly positive-minded person. The sudden availability of an apartment at the assisted living during the freezing heart of winter created a whirlwind of activity and stress in order to get her packed up. Figuring out what she could bring with her and getting rid of the rest of her stuff (some of it lifelong accumulation) was really tough for her, as it would be for anyone in her position. (Please know that she had much physical help in the form of my brother-in-law and his wife.)

Personally, I was anticipating a huge challenge and indulging in too much fear-based anxiety, yet secretly praying/hoping that perhaps she would acclimate… She is not a person who has ever done well with change. And yes, I believe in the Law of Attraction and focusing on positive aspects.  However, the practical side of me, based on previous experience with the lady, brought up challenging thoughts.

And even though the facility has an amazing and caring staff, ultimately I knew that I would be the one most responsible for her day-to-day life and needs, especially since my husband works in the city and is gone for very long days. So the bottom line was, how would this impact my own life?  Yes, I love her and DO have an excellent relationship with her — but this move is a significant change in my life — a life that is already very full without another facet (even a loving one) added to it.

It was about four weeks of anticipation for both her and us — and at the other end in Florida, she was extremely stressed by this whole packing up and preparing-to-move process, and leaving the comfort and knowingness of her home.  Additionally, she was unhappy about coming from the mild climate to this freezing Long Island winter — who could blame her for that?

So now you may wonder — how did it all go?

Well, she has been here for a month and I feel a sense of relief from all that fear-based expectation. Incredibly, she has adapted quite smoothly — a surprising and delightful shock to me and my husband.

Despite many obstacles, she has been fine. The first week she arrived, there was a quarantine lockdown because several cases of flu broke out — fortunately not her, but for several days, nobody from the outside was allowed in. I could not get in and start to bring her all the winter clothes that were shipped via UPS and had been delivered to my house. So her stuff was in limbo and we could not even visit her and she had very few clothes.  Eventually, all the boxes were delivered, brought over, unpacked and her little apartment is all set up now.

She seems happier than I have ever seen her. And I totally believe it really has to do with two things — first of all, the love and nearness of family. She will now be able to watch her great-grandson grow up and establish a relationship with him, which she is already doing. Secondly, she is receiving a very helpful level of care and attention from the facility and included are three hot meals a day that she loves.

So there have been enough positive things to override that she is mostly stuck in the facility due to the outdoor weather being too snowy, icy, frigid and treacherous for her to navigate with her walker.  But she has two heating controls in her apartment and can make it as hot and Florida-like as she wishes!

From my perspective, this journey has been made a bit easier because I have truly focused on being in the moment as best as possible. When my mind would sort of “run away” with trying thoughts about what would be, I would remind myself to be truly present, and simply take the actions of the the moment that were necessary to move the journey along. And part of me just needed to “surrender” and accept that this change coming into my own life would be a positive and joyful one. I would have the opportunity to establish a close relationship with my mother-in-law, especially since my own mother is gone for many years and I am open to having a surrogate “mom” in my life, even though I will be taking more care of her than she of me!

The one life lesson that was clear and powerful for me was that: LOVE really does overcome. I firmly believe that the attention and love that my mother-in-law is receiving from nearby family (us and others) has been instrumental in her accepting and dealing with this major life change. And yes, we are all still adjusting to her being here and working on defining our relationships in a way that is pleasing and workable for all.  Another, very beautiful thing, is that my mother-in-law, not usually very expressive of emotions, has been happily voicing her appreciation for all that my husband and I are doing to help her — so that is a truly kind side of her that I am seeing.

All is well and I am adjusting to this change in my own life, and there is now a feeling of ease and grace to it… and for that I am grateful!

Affirmations:

• I accept shift and change with a mindset of ease and adaptability.
• Life is a flow of ongoing changes, and I welcome new possibilities with joyful anticipation.
• I strive to stay in the moment and to be present exactly where I am on my unique life journey.