Archive for Personal Experiences
Inner Peace in this Busy Technological World
Posted by: | CommentsWhen I was younger, I used to envision growing older and reaching a more senior segment of my life, and picturing this as a serene, simpler time, which I would embrace with ease. Now as I am actually engaged in that climb into a more mature stage of life, I realize how my earlier visions of this were so unbelievably off base. Or perhaps at the time that I had these mental pictures, daily living was simpler in general and I could never have imagined the effect that modern technology and 2020 lifestyles would have on everyone, including those who are older.
I do have some friends and family that are already “retired” and they lead the busiest, most hectic lives which makes the idea of a peaceful retirement stage quite an oxymoron.
I have no plans to retire anytime soon, and am not at that age yet anyway. But a glimpse of it is beginning to appear on the horizon.
I love what I do in my path as a Reiki Teacher and Practitioner and figure I can sail into senior age as one of those wise old “Reiki Masters.” And I say that with a smile. I plan to continue on for many, many years yet, as long as I am physically capable of this journey.
Of course, today as people age, they are encouraged to stay mobile, active and fit — and I am all for that! However, engaging in healthy exercise is one thing. Being actively overwhelmed with a million tasks and aspects of life is a whole other concept. There needs to be a balance or sense of moderation. The challenge is to find that personal middle ground.
Let’s face it — life today is busy. It is more than busy — it is filled with tasks, obligations, responsibilities and it is filled with emails, texts and Social Media as well. Years ago, before smartphones and the related communication, there was not that constant flow of total connectivity. I strain to remember what I actually did early in the morning, before there was the checking of email. Perhaps I simply read the newspaper — a printed edition.
Occasionally when I go out, I forget my mobile phone — and though I prefer not to — sometimes I feel it is the Universe nudging me and reminding me to disconnect for a little bit for my own well-being. Because I am sometimes just as bad a s a millennial! And every once in a while I thoughtfully envy some of those my age who are not as technologically savvy or who don’t need a smartphone to manage their business.
My thirty-something daughter decided to opt out of regular Facebook posting and connection, and I was shocked by this and actually missed her presence on the Social Media giant. At first I could not understand it, but she explained to me that she had been on Facebook for a very long time, since college, and was tired of the time-consuming distraction of it. How very wise and mature of her!
The message here is to take some time out to decompress from technology, and take time to embrace inner peace and relaxation. This is a life lesson with which I am constantly learning and re-learning. Yes, I do make some time each day for some stillness, contemplation or meditation, and I do Reiki self treatment as well, though it often feels like there is not enough time and I keep reminding myself that this is essential self-care, not an indulgence.
Remember to take care of your own spiritual needs along your own path. Tune out from your devices, and tune in to who you truly are at your core essence. Make time just to be in the quiet space of stillness. Or if you have an Apple Watch — try the “Breathe” app on there!
Affirmations:
- I take time every day for some form of stillness or meditation — or simply focusing on my breath.
- I make a consistent effort to tune out of technology and tune in to my True Self — a being of peace and compassion.
- I spend time outside so I can reconnect to nature and Mother Earth.
Remember to Practice Self Care
Posted by: | CommentsDo you happen to be a GIVER, a NURTURER, someone who tends to take care of everyone else? Do you sometimes feel driven to be sure that everyone else is fine — perhaps to the extent of depleting yourself?
Of course, it is a beautiful compassionate attitude to be caring toward others and to want them to be in the flow of harmony and well-being. However, when we tend to get involved in trying to be that “caregiver supreme” we tend to lack attention to our own well-being.
And sometimes the lack of self-care is not wrapped up with other individuals at all — it results from being caught up in a situation. Such as my recent relocation from one house to another — and all the packing, downsizing, remodeling and long, physically demanding days that entailed — that took me so out of the realm of any form of self-nurturing.
One day I looked at my hands and realized all my nails were worn down to the quick and my skin was like a sheet of sandpaper. That is because I was walking around in a daze of a million tasks that needed to get done before I could even look in the mirror and think about me.
But I plan not to ever allow myself to sink so far down into such a place of living in a surreal reality with a giant, seemingly never-ending To-Do list. It is not healthy.
Since I am a Reiki Practitioner and Teacher, I was able carve out a few minutes each day to tune into the Reiki energy — which helped sustain me. However, I am still guilty of forgetting about ME.
So what have I learned?
True healing begins directly with YOU. Compassion begins with you.
Perhaps we all know these things, but when we get caught up in the ultra-crazy-busy segments of our lives, we tend to forget.
And we need to be PRESENT. Present in a way that is peaceful, joyful and healthy for us.
Make time for YOU. You will not be helpful to anyone else if you are depleted and exhausted. Take time to do those things that make your heart sing and your psyche feel GOOD.
YOU are a precious commodity — a unique being who is making your own special and beautiful contribution to this world. Do not forget that. Do not forget your worthiness.
And when you remember these things, you will find it more natural and easy to focus upon making sure that you remain in that flow of well-being and JOY.
Affirmations:
- I take time to focus on things that bring joy and peace into my life.
- Practicing self care helps me be stronger and in tune with my own rhythms and inner guidance.
- I am compassionate to others — and also to myself!
Patience and Perseverance During Trying Times
Posted by: | CommentsA Personal Experience Story
Patience was never my greatest virtue. However, over the years of accumulated experience, I have learned how to wait, observe, be in the moment and adapt to the flow of life unfolding for me…
This mindset was put to the intense test lately, as I am in the process of relocating to a new home. It is in a neighboring town, but nearness does not guarantee easiness!
It took well over two years to find and obtain a suitable ranch style house that has a spacious area for my Reiki and meditation business and practice — a long journey of looking at properties both online and in person and making many bids that never went anywhere.
And now, finally, my husband and I are excited and looking forward to living in our new house.
However, there is much remodeling and renovation to do and this process has been incredibly SLOW. And although our first contractor was highly recommended, he attempted to take as much of our money as he could con us out of, since we trusted and believed in his plans and promises. He did little work. We were actually relieved to “fire” him and remove his negative vibrations from the new abode. Unfortunately, we hear this contractor story is sadly all too common.
So now we have a new contractor who is actually doing the work and making progress, though he has a very small team (and other commitments with other homeowners as well) so everything is still in progress. But he and his men show up and actually ACCOMPLISH much!
This has been a test of my own patience and I am grateful to have my Reiki practice and mindset to help see me through. However, it has been an stressful time in my life. I DO continue to hold the vision of what my new place (and Reiki space) will look and feel like when it is remodeled and clean and all the dust/spackle/smell of paint has dissipated. But that vision is currently just in my mind and heart.
I do feel many life lessons arising from this series of obstacles and challenges. When things are particularly tough, I always ask myself “What can I learn from this experience? What life lesson does this teach me? How does this make me stronger?”
One of my own particular lessons is to be conscious of that line between what is within my control and what is not. I am a planner and I like things to happen in a very balanced and harmonious way. However, some things are just beyond our control and we must cope with that and trust that all will happen in a way that is right for us.
Also, when there is resistance along our path, this is all part of our physical and emotional experience here on “Planet Earth.” We gain wisdom and strength from these times, as painful as these steps are in our journey. It is important to know that they are temporary and will pass in time…
Above all, I am supremely grateful to have found this new house and I do my best to remain in that space of appreciation! In time, I know it will be the vision (or close to it) of a lovely residence for my husband and myself (and our kitties.)
Always hold on to your own personal vision — keep it strong and clear in your mind and in your heart. Stay the course and persevere as you move along your path toward goals and plans. Trust that you WILL enjoy the fruits of your labor and your dreams!
Affirmations:
- I create clear, joyful visions of what I wish to achieve in my life.
- I know that contrast and challenge ultimately infuse me with greater emotional strength.
- I stay calm and focused in the NOW moment to accomplish the tasks at hand.
Growing Older Gracefully
Posted by: | CommentsA Personal Experience Story
My hands grew old. I don’t know exactly when it happened, but now I look at my hands and they are lined and veined. They are the hands of a “mature” woman.
I remember during my newly divorced years, after 14+ years of marriage, with two children from that union, I considered myself having substantial life experience, a sort of savvy woman now on her own as a seasoned and capable single mom. I considered myself MATURE then, but I guess my hands still looked quite young…
I began to navigate the dating world in my mid thirties, mingling in a single parents scene of those my own age, plus many older. I remember what a close male friend always said about having a good indication of a woman’s age by the appearance of her hands. “A woman in her thirties still has that nice smooth skin on the back of her hands…but most that are in the next decade, not so much.” And he gestured at my hands, “See how smooth yours still are!” I was pleased that my hands were still something to admire.
As we would mingle and peruse different single venues, my friend discretely pointed out examples of women acquaintances whose hands had shown signs of age and maturity. He would selectively approach only those who had that “smooth skin” with the hopes of connecting and perhaps going out for a date.
Years passed and somewhere along the journey, I noticed that the skin on my hands had become more lined and weathered… more mature…
Sadly, our modern society places so much emphasis on youth and looking young. Everyone does their best not to “look old” and it takes grace to be open to permit oneself to age in a relatively natural, upbeat, joyful way. In general, we have such resistance to the concept, taught to us by the world in which we live — all the focus on the glory of youth.
So I have come to view my hands with a sense of ease and acceptance — a badge of honor that comes with age and wisdom. Growing older is a privilege I do not take lightly or for granted. And in my mind and attitude, I can still “be” in my thirties…
And in these last 12 years, as a Reiki Practitioner and Teacher, Reiki energy has flowed through my hands — energy that has given benefits of peace and healing to many others. Compassion toward others has manifested through my hands, as I gently place my them on recipients of Reiki in comfort and connection.
So if the skin on my hands is no longer smooth and youthful, I am okay with that. My hands bear the wisdom of my life experience — and that inspires a sense of pride, wonder, understanding and authenticity within me. My hands reflect my own unique journey…
Affirmations:
- I greet each life stage with acceptance and grace.
- My thoughts and attitude determine my outlook — I choose positive thoughts along each step of my life journey.
- I cherish the life wisdom I accumulate along my unique personal path.
Keeping Inner Peace in Turbulent Times
Posted by: | CommentsWe are living in a time of cosmic turbulence — of dramatic shift. Do feel it? Do you feel tuned in to periods of extreme unrest, uncertainty, personal turmoil?
I have felt this deep sense of upheaval, of things stirring and changing, and I believe it is part of the process of transformation, and ultimately of greater alignment with my soul purpose and mission.
Sometimes I feel my life is spinning almost out of control. But wait, you say, aren’t you Reiki trained? Doesn’t that keep you peaceful inside despite all the challenges swirling around you?
It certainly helps, yet for during some time periods, it is “buckle your seatbelt — you are in for a wild ride!” And then I call tap into my Reiki training, striving to maintain some semblance of balance through this cosmic roller coaster experience.
Jack Canfield, a most well known motivational teacher and author, states that one of his most important “success principles” is to take 100% responsibility for your own life. In complete agreement, I attempt to draw in the reigns of this wild beast that is sometimes my reality. And I reiterate to myself “Take control of your life. You are powerful!”
And that strong head talk helps propel me in a more focused direction. However, I observe that in some moments my life feels like an unbridled, spirited and testy equine with an active mind of its own.
And I learn over and over again that not everything IS in my control as much as I strive to take responsibility of the human voyage I am on.
Sometimes I need to remind myself to acknowledge a Higher Power. To let go of my white knuckled grasp on those reigns and let the peacefulness of my soul and the Divine just flow within me.
I consciously allow myself to release resistance… to surrender to the powers that be!
To assist my understanding and compliance with this cosmic state of change, it has become very clear to me about the necessity of remaining present. This is an important survival tool that can serve all of us well on many levels.
To navigate choppy waters, focus on the next little piece of the voyage. Place attention on the NOW moment. When I consistently remind myself of this, it helps bring an immediate sense of relief and serenity into my heart and mind.
Do that inner work to live powerfully in the PRESENT. Know that not everything is in your own control. Yet, DO take responsibility for those things that you can affect and influence. And always be of authentic heart and come from a place of COMPASSION.
Affirmations:
- I know that at times I need to surrender to the flow of Divine timing — and trust that everything will work out for my Highest Good.
- I embrace the concept of mindfulness — being present — to help me remain in the space of inner peace.
- I take responsibility for my actions, and I strive to be in compassionate interconnectedness with others.
Positive Living – Gratitude in Each Moment
Posted by: | CommentsI am sitting out on my patio at dusk. It is the last unseasonably hot day in October. The forecast spans out with rain and cooler temperatures starting tomorrow, so I am sure this truly is the last HOT day to enjoy.
Have I grasped and seized the beauty of this day — certainly not enough! Of course, there was some work to do, some chores, some errands. And late in the afternoon it finally dawned on me: why was I not just EXPERIENCING this gorgeous autumn day, a day so reminiscent of summer that it makes one lose all real track of time and seasons.
So that little inner guidance voice tells me it is not too late — go out and EXPERIENCE the sunset outdoors. I bring out some music as well — melodic and beautiful Native American flute music. The mystical sound of the flute feels like the perfect accompaniment to the close of daylight. And I soak up the beauty of these moments…
And I am grateful… for this serene space in time…
I am grateful for this day — this glorious day that I get to SEE and FEEL… and be part of!
Sometimes we take all that for granted — the very essence of life. Just focusing on our breath can remind us — how natural and peaceful we can be even for but one moment in time.
I encourage you to partake of your life in a BIG way — do not sit on the sidelines and mope. Strive to EXPERIENCE the adventure of it all. Yes, we all know that some facets of our lives are not always perfect. We are often faced with challenges and drama as that is part of our existence here in the physical plane.
However, let us be in the supreme space of appreciation for BEING here, having a physical life, having interaction with others, having beautiful and loving relationships with others.
Having free will to make CHOICES and to set goals that resonate with our heartfelt dreams and desires.
We need to remember how powerful and creative we can be, for sometimes we forget. And let us be in the feeling of gratitude for having this ability and this knowing.
What are you grateful for? Tune in to your inner voice and acknowledge appreciation for your own unique life, your path, your soul’s mission…
Your life will be enriched and uplifted as the vibration of gratitude flows powerfully in your heart and mind!
Affirmations:
- I am thankful for my own abundantly fascinating and rewarding life path.
- Connecting with others who are supportive and loving brings the flow of gratitude into my entire being!
- I appreciate all the blessings in my life, both large and small!
Positive Thinking – Life Lessons from Challenging Moments
Posted by: | CommentsA Personal Experience Story
Early July, 2017
I sit here at the hospice facility waiting by the bedside of my mother-in-law whose every breath is measured. The room is bright, with two windows letting in much light. My MIL (mother-in-law) is in a large hospital bed which has thick, comfortable padding.
This is a lonely vigil, one that has caused me deep reflection on life and death.
My MIL appears tragically suspended between these two dimensions holding on to each moment of life. Probably fearing what is to come. She has dementia and the nurses here believe that those with this condition remain in this other-worldly limbo for longer because they are more confused. Her body is skeletal — just skin and bones. Her skin is paper thin and her face has a sunken appearance. She cannot see at all and can only hear a little bit.
It has all been a truly emotionally demanding, difficult journey with her. My husband works a long commute away in Manhattan and he does not have many days off, so the day to day vigil with my MIL is up to me. And I do not want her to spend her last days on this earth alone in a hospice facility without a family member by her side. So I do my best to be there for her. And I do Reiki for her at every visit.
The doctors originally suggested when she was moved from hospital into hospice that in her already weakened state that the dying process would not likely take more than 2 days. However, she lasted 10 days in this barely-alive state (with no food or water), and then quietly slipped away one afternoon, maybe just ten minutes before I arrived for my visit. Somehow I had hoped to be there, perhaps holding her hand, when she left her physical body, but she chose an exit point of when she was alone. She always did things on her own unique terms anyway, so why should her point of departure be any different?
She had never been a very demonstrative woman, and found it hard to discuss emotions. But while she was still conscious and in the hospital before she had been moved into hospice, I told her that I love her. And after a long pause, she said “I love you too. And you are always there for me.” Those were her last meaningful words to me, and they comforted and sustained me through the ensuing hospice period which was the saddest last leg of her journey here in the physical plane, and where she was not able to really communicate anymore.
I believe my MIL is finally at peace now, perhaps reconnecting with her husband who had predeceased her by many years as well as many other family members and friends. I like to think she is very light now — as pure positive energy — a spirit soaring free from that totally old and broken physical body that she became in the last months/years of her life.
This hospice vigil was a totally humbling experience for me. It was a time of reflection. And this is what flowed from my heart one day as I sat by my MIL’s bedside…
This is what life is — the poignancy of these vivid moments in the midst of challenge. The ones that feel keen and filled with emotion. It is not easy. But these remind us of the tangibility of our physical journeys. The sharp, stark contrast of these moments fraught with turbulence teach us how life is truly a blessing and a privilege… how love is the essence of what we are.
If we can learn that lesson, our days here will certainly be enriched.
Affirmations:
- I strive to be present in the NOW moment.
- I maintain the attitude that life is a gift — each moment, each day is a blessing!
- Both the bittersweet and the smooth moments of my life shape my journey — I choose to learn from all my experiences…
Sibling Relationships – Estrangement and Disharmony
Posted by: | CommentsA Personal Experience Story
Are you one of the fortunate ones — one who has a peaceful, loving bond with your sibling(s)? I wish I could say that I was part of that uplifting group, but sadly and realistically, such is not the case. I have one brother and we are now what I have simply come to call “estranged.”
We have been that way for quite a long while. Maybe for a dozen years or more…
As I am reaching a milestone birthday — a marker in my life where I can definitely make the statement that “this lady has LIFE EXPERIENCE” —I find myself musing and reflecting on my original family relationships, my humble beginnings. And my thoughts drift to my brother, who is a successful professional with a lengthy career, and who is married with two children. I have a grown niece and nephew whom I have not seen since they were babies.
Oddly enough, I am now finding that many of my friends, acquaintances and clients have very similar sibling experiences where there is conflict, challenge and sometimes complete disconnect. Generally, we all start our lives as coming from the same family environment, the strong tie of blood, where I like to believe most of us were encouraged to bond and treat each other well. Then for various reasons, as life progresses, we find ourselves downright strangers, as opposed to sharing warm, close familial bonds.
I am so wondering why this is, and I am sure there are few generalizations, with each case being completely different and unique.
My brother and I, growing up in a small attached home in Brooklyn, were very close. We had an amazing childhood relationship — much fun, play, mock fighting when we were very young, late night talks as young teens. My brother had a sense of joyfulness, levity and looked up to me as his older sister. I was caring and protective of my “little brother.”
However, our family life was less than stellar, and our father had serious emotional issues. I do believe that as a youngster, my brother needed a loving male figure on which to model his own behavior as a boy growing into manhood. My father fell incredibly short on this and my brother and I were exposed to extreme negativity and what I do believe was emotional abuse.
Life circumstances that I experienced as an adult, plus having discovered Reiki and a more spiritual path, brought me into an awakening of sorts, brought me into the light of greater understanding and compassion. (Though I am of course still a work in progress like most others!)
It appears that my brother remained somewhat caught up in the residual issues and “darkness” of his childhood. Yes, I believe he loves his children — and I think he is closer to some of his wife’s family where they live, across the country from us.
There is no room in his heart for my side of the family — or even my children: his niece and nephew. And I suspect this may stem from the memories that are attached to me as I remind him of the difficult childhood that was.
And the “me” who he remembers from our young adult years was also a very different, more egotistical, more impatient, a more mired-in-worry person than the version of who I am now, who I have become on the more spiritual-quest part of my life.
At times I think of my brother as being like the Dr. Seuss character, The Grinch, whose heart is two sizes too small, but unlike the Grinch, he has not gone through any epiphany and remains stagnant.
When our parents passed away within nine months of each other, we met in Phoenix to handle estate matters, to empty and sell the house and possessions. This was a most difficult time. He assured me that he and I would always remain close because we would only have each other from now on in terms of original family since our parents were gone. I believed his words.
However, they proved totally false and meaningless, as I was to learn in the years that followed.
I have tried to reach out several times, but have been rebuffed at every turn. My daughter has been rebuffed by him as well. Mostly he appears caught up in his work, and in the acquisition of stuff — a huge house, a luxury car, his own airplane, plus other stuff. Maybe all his “stuff” has taken a much greater sense of importance than any extended family.
It did recently occur to me (like that proverbial lightbulb that went off in my head) that his being out of my life may actually have been a blessing in disguise. Had he been in regular contact with me, he would probably have not respected or understood my life path in terms of Reiki, and he would have most likely brought a wave of negativity and ego-driven conflict into my world.
Yet who knows what the future will bring in terms of us connecting again — it may happen — or it may never, and whatever unfolds I trust will be for the Highest Good of both of us.
If you have a fine and loving sibling relationship, then be in appreciation for it. Let your sibling know of your caring on a consistent basis. Be in touch and always keep the lines of communication open. These relationships, though sometimes taken for granted, are very precious when they are in flowing harmony.
At this point in my life, I gratefully cherish the loving healthy relationships of my “adult family” that I have formed — my husband, my children, my stepchildren, and grandchildren, etc. I have learned that relationships take work, focus and motivation to thrive… and above all, there must be a strong infusion of love into all relationships for them to flourish!
Affirmations:
- I rejoice in the positive relationships around me and strive to keep them healthy and loving.
- I gravitate to those that are uplifting and respectful of my life journey.
- I trust that the Universe will surround me with those individuals and relationships that are essential for the development of my own personal evolution.
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Relaciones Entre Hermanos — Alejamiento y Falta de Armonía
Historia de una Experiencia Personal
Traducción de Elena Calderaro
¿Eres uno de los afortunados — aquel que tiene un vínculo apacible y amoroso con sus hermanos? Ojalá yo pudiera decir que pertenezco a este grupo reconfortante, pero lamentablemente la verdad es que ese no es mi caso. Tengo un hermano, y ahora estamos lo que simplemente llamamos “alejados.”
Así lo hemos estado por mucho tiempo, quizá por más de una docena de años.
Mi próximo cumpleaños marcará una etapa importante en mi vida — un punto en el cual definitivamente puedo declarar que “esta dama ha EXPERIMENTADO LA VIDA” — y ahora medito y reflexiono cada vez más sobre mis relaciones familiares originales, mis comienzos humildes. Y mis pensamientos se derivan hacia mi hermano quien es un profesional con una carrera exitosa, casado con dos hijos adultos que no he visto desde que eran niños.
Curiosamente, ahora me doy cuenta que muchos de mis amigos, conocidos y clientes tienen experiencias similares con sus hermanos donde hay conflictos, retos y a veces una total desunión. Generalmente, todos comenzamos la vida en un entorno familiar parecido, un fuerte vínculo de sangre, en el cual a la mayoría de nosotros nos fomentaron la unión y el buen trato mutuo. Luego, por varias razones en el paso del tiempo, nos dimos cuenta que somos unos extraños en vez de compartir estrechos lazos familiares.
Me pregunto a qué se debe ésto y estoy segura que hay pocas generalizaciones, ya que cada caso es totalmente diferente y único.
Mi hermano y yo crecimos en una pequeña casa en Brooklyn y éramos muy unidos. Teníamos una increíble relación durante la infancia — mucha diversión, juegos, simulacros de lucha cuando niños y conversaciones nocturnas cuando jóvenes. Mi hermano era muy alegre, jocoso, y admiraba a su hermana mayor, y yo cuidaba y protegía a mi “hermanito.”
Sin embargo, nuestra vida familiar no era estelar, debido a que nuestro padre tenía graves problemas emocionales. Yo pienso que desde chico mi hermano necesitaba una figura masculina cuyo comportamiento le sirviera de ejemplo a un joven en plena pubertad. Mi padre falló increíblemente en este aspecto y mi hermano y yo fuimos expuestos a extrema negatividad, que yo creo era más bien abuso emocional.
Las experiencias de mi vida adulta, además de descubrir el Reiki y un camino más espiritual, me condujeron a despertar mi conciencia y me iluminaron a una mayor comprensión y compasión. (Aunque yo, por supuesto, todavía soy una obra en progreso,
¡como muchos otros!)
Al parecer, mi hermano permaneció atrapado en sus problemas residuales y en la “oscuridad” de su niñez. Yo sí creo que él ama a los niños — y pienso que él está más unido con algunos miembros de la familia de su esposa que residen cerca de ellos, al otro lado del país.
En su corazón no hay cupo para mi lado de la familia — ni siquiera para mis hijos: sus sobrinos. Sospecho que esto puedo provenir de recuerdos relacionados conmigo ya que le traigo memorias de una niñez difícil.
Y la persona que yo era en nuestros años de jóvenes adultos era más egoísta, más impaciente, una persona más sumida en la preocupación, muy diferente a la versión de quien yo soy ahora, una persona en búsqueda de la parte espiritual de su vida.
A ratos pienso que mi hermano es como el personaje El Grinch del Dr. Seuss, cuyo corazón era dos tallas más pequeñas pero, a diferencia del Grinch, mi hermano no ha pasado por ninguna epifanía y permanece estancado.
Cuando nuestros padres fallecieron con nueve meses de diferencia, nos encontramos en Phoenix para tratar asuntos de la herencia, vaciar y vender la casa, y las pertenencias. Este fue un momento muy difícil. El me aseguró que los dos siempre permaneceríamos unidos, ya que con la muerte de nuestros padres sólo quedábamos nosotros dos de la familia original. Yo creí en sus palabras.
Sin embargo, fueron palabras falsas, como lo aprendí en los próximos años.
Varias veces he tratado de lograr un acercamiento, pero he sido rechazada una y otra vez. Mi hija también ha recibido el mismo trato. La mayor parte de su tiempo parece estar enredado en su trabajo, y en adquirir cosas — una enorme casa, un carro de lujo, su avión privado, además de otras cosas. Tal vez considera que estas “cosas” tienen mayor importancia que una familia unida.
Recientemente se me ocurrió (como el bombillo que representa una idea) que su ausencia en mi vida ha sido una bendición inesperada. Si se hubiera mantenido en contacto conmigo, probablemente no hubiera respetado ni comprendido mi camino en la vida con repecto al Reiki, y seguramente hubiera traído una oleada de negatividad y conflictos egocéntricos a mi mundo.
Sin embargo, quien sabe que traerá el futuro con respecto a volvernos a comunicar nuevamente — lo cual puede suceder, o no. Pase lo que pase, confío que será por el mayor bienestar de ambos.
Si tú tienes una relación fraternal sólida y amorosa debes estar muy agradecido. Con frecuencia hazle saber a tu hermano lo mucho que él significa para tí. Mantén abiertas las líneas de comunicación. Estas relaciones, aunque a veces las damos por descontadas, son muy valiosas cuando fluyen en armonía.
En este momento de mi vida agradezco y valoro las relaciones sanas y amorosas de la “familia adulta” que he formado — esposo, hijos, hijastros y nietos, etc. He aprendido que una relación prospera con trabajo, enfoque y motivación…. y sobretodo, debe haber una fuerte infusión de amor para que florezca!
Afirmaciones:
- Gozo de las relaciones positivas a mi alrededor y me esmero por mantenerlas sanas y amorosas.
- Gravito hacia aquellas personas que me elevan el espíritu y respetan mi jornada en la vida.
- Confío en que el Universo envíe a mi alrededor aquellas personas y relaciones que son esenciales para el desarrollo de mi evolución personal.
Stepping Back from Negative People
Posted by: | CommentsEven When they Are Family
A Personal Experience Story
We forged a close bond in an unusual way. It was those long car commutes to and from my corporate job many years ago — I on my cell phone and she on her home phone 1000 miles away in southern Florida. We shared thoughts and experiences, and chatted about family — and we laughed together, my mother-in-law and me.
Because we lived so far apart, these caring and joyful conversations kept me company on those tedious (and sometimes stressful) trips in rush hour traffic. And it was the only way I got to know her in a more personal way after my husband and I were married and blended out families together.
Then the years passed — many years — and we all grew older. My MIL (mother-in-law) is now elderly, infirm, disabled. She is legally blind, hearing impaired and mobility impaired. Certainly many challenges. She reluctantly agreed to give up whatever little independence she had down in Florida and move up to an assisted living nearby to my home, so that my husband and I could help care for her.
Right before she moved here, we prepared for her arrival very diligently and happily — furnished her bright, lovely suite and made it as welcoming as possible. We believed that being near to family — particularly the great grandchildren — would be uplifting to her. We were looking forward to having a close relationship with her. We had no idea what the reality would be — and now it is 14 months later and the “honeymoon” is certainly over!
The actuality of her negative, stubborn personality has been incredibly difficult for us. As joyful, as positive as we have both attempted to treat her — there is absolutely no joyful response and no appreciation. She is solely self-involved, with extreme focus on each disability and each pain she feels.
The constant barrage of negative energy has shaken me to the core. However, I always consistently remind myself that yes, I do love her, despite these challenges. And every once in awhile, on a special outing or maybe when the inspired mood catches her, she might light up a bit and almost seem to have a glimmer of happiness in her countenance. I wish that would be more of the norm!
Though there are aides and skilled nurses at her facility, some real care still falls to me, as well as to her son. One of my responsibilities include taking her to her doctors appointments. In Florida, the business of “doctoring” is out of control with all the seniors, and when she was there, accompanied by her aid, she would visit doctors sometimes three times per week. That became the flow of her life and it was a comfort zone to her. Trying to replicate that absurd lifestyle cannot and will not happen here, much to her dismay. (Yes, she somehow enjoyed the doctors visits because it made her the center of attention.)
On the up side, MIL has finally become involved in some of the activities at her facility so that provides some minor busy-ness and interaction for her. And for that I am grateful.
However, the new challenge is that it appears she is at the beginning of some dementia, so on top of that challenging personality, we now have some mental decline to deal with. We cannot believe anything she tells us anymore, even though she states all things as if they are absolute reality.
My husband has waning patience — he works full time in the city and has limited time and energy to spend with her — and with her attitude in general, it is not conducive to encouraging him to want to spend time with her. It is a sad situation for both him and me.
My resolve as we entered this current year was to step back from the judgmental, self-centered world in which my MIL lives. Sure, I always cover my responsibilities and I provide care. Emotionally, I am remaining more aloof — for it is too easy to be overwhelmed with her constant drama.
So what is the lesson in all this? Why do I share this? Yes, I will admit it is in part to vent, partly cathartic. Perhaps you, too, have dealt with something (or someone) similar — or perhaps you will someday down the line. And maybe you will say, “ah, yes, I totally understand.”
Is this a clear illustration of “the best laid plans, etc.”? Sometimes as much as we do set goals, as we do make every positive attempt to help someone, they are not receptive to us. We might think our joyful intentions, our heartfelt drive is so powerful — how can someone not get caught up in the wave of our optimism? Believe me, there are obviously those that ARE unresponsive, those who make the personal choice to wallow in negativity, turbulence and victimhood. That is truly a depressing life choice.
We all have a choice about how we react to life — the sad thing is that many do not realize this. They remain unawakened.
And another lesson in all this is that powerful reminder that you can’t change anyone else. The only one you can change is yourself. That lesson keeps hitting home… But with my MIL, I was not trying to change her — just encourage her to be a bit more in the flow of peace and adaptability.
That is definitely my sincere wish for my MIL — peacefulness and acceptance of what is. Also, when it is her time (and I believe this is still far into the future), I truly pray that it will be quick and painless, and maybe she will just pass gently one overnight when her soul is ready to begin the next leg of her spiritual journey. As for now, we will continue to give her love as best as possible.
Affirmations:
- I strive to remain patient and non-reactive with challenging people and situations.
- I let kindness and compassion flow to others, with positive intention and a pure heart.
- When challenging people and drama arise, I make sure to take care of myself in a nurturing, caring way — and remain peaceful within!
Nurturing the Child Within
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Do you make time to have fun? I mean the downright pure, tune-in-to-your inner child kind of fun?
A recent personal experience served as a clear reminder that maybe I do not always take enough time to indulge that youngster that resides deep within.
I attended my grandson’s third birthday party at a trampoline-activity place. I had been looking forward to this for several weeks because the whole thought of it had rekindled a very distant memory from my own childhood. When I was about five years old, my mother took me to an outdoor trampoline place which was a bare-bones type place — trampoline material stretched over openings in the ground, all surrounded by cement or stone. Probably totally unsafe – but I spent time jumping with childish delight.
It was my first time on the trampoline and I thought it was the best thing in the world. I remember how happy my little heart was! I couldn’t wait to go back, but unfortunately the place closed down to make room for some other construction. My newfound fun disappeared and I was sorely disappointed.
Across the years I don’t remember too many opportunities to jump on a trampoline — maybe at some point with my own children when they were younger, but I do not clearly recall.
Fast forward to last weekend and I found myself at the most glorious, colorful state-of-the-art trampoline facility. And of course, I also found myself much, much older than my last recollection of jumping on a trampoline!
I hoped to jump with my grandson, but it turns out there were so many rules and restrictions. The petulant little child within me decided I really wanted a jump so I had to speak with someone who was in charge at the facility, and finally worked it out that I was able to purchase my own jumping pass — and sign a liability waiver, of course.
And suddenly — almost magically — I was on this huge area of trampolines, jumping and turning and running around with my grandson. It was such a strange but nearly euphoric sensation. My daughter captured my exultation in photos and I am grateful for that. I was definitely the oldest person who was jumping. Though I had some surprised glances from others who were my age and standing on the sidelines, I felt very smug and very free. And I personally, I don’t care what other people thought. I was having FUN!
My grandson appeared delighted that one of the older folks joined him on his spree of joy. For children — those pure little souls — know how best to be in the moment with great joy!
I know we always learn by contrast about what we do like and what we don’t like here on planet Earth. For me, this bubbly experience was a powerful reminder that we need to take a “fun break” from the mundane and ultra-busy parts of our lives to really experience that grand JOY of living. For sometimes we tend to just go through the routine motions of our everyday patterns and then wonder why we feel stuck or down. It is so essential to reconnect with that happy-go-lucky child that I believe still does reside in all of us.
So if you have the opportunity to do something a little silly, or a bit “outside the box,” seize that moment! And if you don’t generally have these opportunities, then you need to make time for them or seek them out. For you absolutely need to create fun and optimistic moments in your own life.
Yes, sometimes it is too easy to simply view life as a string of challenges — and occasionally that is exactly what our own perceptions tend to fall into. However, not ALL of life is challenging. I like to think of our journey as a “grand adventure” filled with a broad range of experiences and a wide variety of emotions that flourish within us.
But it is up to us as individuals to focus upon and explore those experiences that are unique, fun and enriching for us. And when you have those opportunities to really stretch outside your little comfort zone — and help you connect with that uplifting, curious child within — then go for it!
Affirmations:
- I make time for fun and uplifting moments in my life!
- I view life as an enriching adventure and I learn from the contrast of my varied experiences.
- I strive to nurture my inner child, for I know that this is a most joyful and healthy way to be!